carnac the magnificent curses carnac the magnificent curses

Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . says? Q: Name three movements. sister. . Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? A: Cyclone. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the A: Sueeee, sueeee. A: Lady-in-waiting. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: The Newlywed Game. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Forum Novelties. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? seen them before. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. lizard. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? A: Flyswatter. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. girlfriend. . Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? (Crowd cheers) #10. Paul? On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. A: Roots. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Q: What do you use to fry a peter? . The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. A: All the President's men. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Here's how it played out on air. The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Share. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby Get Image Page 1 of 4 Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Hand made. Margaret's door? by ThomasFay. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. [1] A: An unmarried woman. dee? , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? doctors. Q: How do you get it? Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal A: The big ten. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. Its hard to divine when you cant see. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. Return to Political Humor CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted Q: How many football games were televised over https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Green thumb. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. Oh, I forgot! [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". A: Skalliwags. share. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. A: Eleven. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. . CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your A: The American people. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. A: De-frost. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Watch now: Free with ads. sister. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". hair". A: Beethoven's Fifth. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. Q: Where should you address all your mail? ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? 200 views, 3 upvotes. Screenkey. A: "Here's Boomer." In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Related Topics. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. As a child of four can Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. station? former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. questions having never Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that "Oh, Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Rat pack. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. A: Evon Guligan. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Sunday, 16 December 2018. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush A: Kumquat. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Key'n'Stroke. prune juice? A: Lo-fat. A: Executive action. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? A: "The Dumplings." 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. A: Double hernia. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. . Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? . "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Carnac the Magnificent. night? #10. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. toilet is stopped up? With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? A: A thousand clowns. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? The segment included several running gags. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. A: Timbuktoo. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. Return to Humor Page A: Natural gas. A: The 11th Hour. Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. The Johnny Carson Show. The Question: Name six fictional T.V. Click image to enlarge. Get a random spoof news story. Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. A: Mount Baldy. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." A: Supervisor. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. A: Disjoint. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. . The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. A: The diamond lane. A: Fort Knox. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around (Crowd applauds) #10. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? A: Rough cut. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. shorts. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Box 4, Folder 45. [1] A: Fondue. Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. tissue. The character was introduced in 1964. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? Johnny would don an . Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! , What do diapers and politicians have in common? We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. Prime Video. Shriver. NO ONE! hope chest. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment).