disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. Crookston EM. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Now the first wife has no say. Marriage Counseling vs. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. 2. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. Consent i s the keyword. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. Both babies were through cesarean. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. 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She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Now she was not ready for 3rd. It could have been the man's problem too. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. It is an option. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. 2006;52(1); 5-17. It doesnt mean that it wont last. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. She was a nurse and divorce. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". She had a male child during the interview. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. "If it's mostly. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. 2020; 24: 339351. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Ibn Qudamah writes: Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. 1. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Istanbul, Turkey. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Go figure. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Published: Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. He says he isnt much of a speaker. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". 2020; 39(2): 750-760. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. Minor clashes are part of life to her. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. But here I am, married to a man who was married before. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Why is it higher the second time around? | You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. 1. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Thats life. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. 2014; 8-10. Journal of Moral Philosophy. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. King MT. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. So, she accepted this relationship. Image from The Star. Lateron, both married. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. Christmas and having the whole family there together. My husband has two wives . Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. Social Change. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. The Review of Economic Studies. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. Her ex-husband died. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. The co-wives were approached from their homes. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23].